Glama coach at hotel,
Lights up on Jeff and Angel standing by the bus preparing for the tour group to board.
Iím worried about Marcy. She doesnít seem to be having a very good time. She doesnít seem at all interested in the sightseeing or nightlife, and she never says a word about what she really wants to do. Do you have any idea what would make this trip really memorable for her?
I canít figure her out. She acts real strange. At first, I thought she had a crush on you. She was always aiming that camcorder in your direction. Then, I thought maybe she was the tights knocker -- I mean the "night stalker". But then I caught her shaking tots -- er -- taking shots of me, too. Nobody would stalk me. No, she acts more like a private eye trying to catch a cheating husband in a divorce case.
Iíve noticed that, too. Maybe sheís doing a documentary on us, or sheís writing a review for a guidebook. But if sheís a travel writer, youíd think that she would do some of the group activities. You canít very well evaluate a tour company if you donít really take the tour. At least Iím glad she went to the nightclub show last night.
Well, she gives me the creeps. You know, she was in my dream last night.
Ah, the girl of your dreams?
Not hardly! This was a nightmare. You know how people are always saying how they want their dreams to come true -- not me! Even when my dreams arenít horrible, theyíre just crazy.
When I was just a little boy, I had dreams of nightmare madness.
Those goblins rose up from a void awash in fear and sadness.
Those dreams never died. Theyíre still here inside.
So now each and every day, I fold my hands and pray--
Donít make my dreams come true.
Thereís the one where you go to church without your clothes
And at first no one notices, but still
As the service progresses their attention grows
Soon enough you know that someone will
Thereís the one where you go to school and thereís a test
And the questions are myst'ries every one.
You are clueless about the first and all the rest.
It canít be your idea of fun.
Thereís the one where you flee a monsterís hot pursuit.
You are racing, like your heartbeat, and then--
You are slowed to a crawl by tar along the route.
Youíll probíly never wake up again.
Thereís the one where you fall from a cliff to your death --
Enough! Youíre right. I donít want your dreams to come true!
What about the one where a carnival witch is trying to flush you down the toilet?
Youíre a sick puppy. You need a psychiatrist. Or, at least, cut down on the spicy food just before bedtime. Now, here comes the group. No more dreams.
Janet and Sam enter.
Good morning, Jeff. We really enjoyed last nightís show. Are they always that entertaining?
Every show is different. Iím glad you liked it. Sam, what book do you have today?
"Ventriloquism for Dummies".
Janet and Sam board the bus. Zita enters.
You have an absolute glow about you this morning, Zita.
Angel says that you and that seŮorita Anita are an "item".
Angel is a wealth of information, isnít he?
Are you going to marry her?
She has two children, you know?
They are both wonderful young ladies.
Oh, yes, theyíre adorable. Iíll bet your children would be adorable, too. Do you want any children of your own?
It would be fun trying.
[laughs] Oh, thereís another thing I wanted to ask. When I was shopping at Aloe Vera Street, I guess I threw a monkey wrench into the ointment.
Marcy appears with her camcorder and starts taping Jeff and Zita. Lights change to indicate taping.
You know that pot I got on Monday? Could you help me get it back home?
Iíd be happy to. You definitely donít want to take it back on the plane with you. Just write out the address you want it delivered to, and Iíll take care of the rest.
Zita boards the bus. Marcy stops taping. Lights change back to normal. Marcy approaches the bus.
[to Marcy] Is there anything I can do to make your week here in Los Angeles more satisfying? Iím afraid that youíre not getting what you came for?
Oh, Iím getting what I came for, definitely getting what I came for. But what did you have in mind?
I donít know. What do you like to do? Is there anything youíd like to try that you wouldnít normally do back home?
I donít do anything, and I donít think you have anything in California that we donít have in Ohio.
What do you mean?
Youíve got oceans and Disneyland and that kind of thing. We donít have those in Ohio, but anything that can be transported in a suitcase or on a truck has made it to the Midwest. What do you export to Ohio, Mr. Carson?
Um -- I try to send home happy travelers, but in your case I donít seem to be succeeding.
Just keep doing what youíre doing, and Iíll get exactly what I want from this trip.
Lights fade out.
Continue to Act II, Scene 4
Copyright © 2003 William Armstrong
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