Scene Three
Glama coach at hotel,
Thursday morning.
Lights up on Jeff and Angel standing by the bus preparing for the tour group to board.
JEFF
I’m worried about Marcy. She doesn’t seem to be having a very good time. She doesn’t seem at all interested in the sightseeing or nightlife, and she never says a word about what she really wants to do. Do you have any idea what would make this trip really memorable for her?
ANGEL
I can’t figure her out. She acts real strange. At first, I thought she had a crush on you. She was always aiming that camcorder in your direction. Then, I thought maybe she was the tights knocker -- I mean the "night stalker". But then I caught her shaking tots -- er -- taking shots of me, too. Nobody would stalk me. No, she acts more like a private eye trying to catch a cheating husband in a divorce case.
JEFF
I’ve noticed that, too. Maybe she’s doing a documentary on us, or she’s writing a review for a guidebook. But if she’s a travel writer, you’d think that she would do some of the group activities. You can’t very well evaluate a tour company if you don’t really take the tour. At least I’m glad she went to the nightclub show last night.
ANGEL
Well, she gives me the creeps. You know, she was in my dream last night.
JEFF
Ah, the girl of your dreams?
ANGEL
Not hardly! This was a nightmare. You know how people are always saying how they want their dreams to come true -- not me! Even when my dreams aren’t horrible, they’re just crazy.
ANGEL (continues)
When I was just a little boy, I had dreams of nightmare madness.
Those goblins rose up from a void awash in fear and sadness.
Those dreams never died. They’re still here inside.
So now each and every day, I fold my hands and pray--
Don’t make my dreams come true.
There’s the one where you go to church without your clothes
And at first no one notices, but still
As the service progresses their attention grows
Soon enough you know that someone will
There’s the one where you go to school and there’s a test
And the questions are myst'ries every one.
You are clueless about the first and all the rest.
It can’t be your idea of fun.
There’s the one where you flee a monster’s hot pursuit.
You are racing, like your heartbeat, and then--
You are slowed to a crawl by tar along the route.
You’ll prob’ly never wake up again.
There’s the one where you fall from a cliff to your death --
JEFF
Enough! You’re right. I don’t want your dreams to come true!
ANGEL
What about the one where a carnival witch is trying to flush you down the toilet?
JEFF
You’re a sick puppy. You need a psychiatrist. Or, at least, cut down on the spicy food just before bedtime. Now, here comes the group. No more dreams.
Janet and Sam enter.
JANET
Good morning, Jeff. We really enjoyed last night’s show. Are they always that entertaining?
JEFF
Every show is different. I’m glad you liked it. Sam, what book do you have today?
SAM
"Ventriloquism for Dummies".
Janet and Sam board the bus. Zita enters.
JEFF
You have an absolute glow about you this morning, Zita.
ZITA
Angel says that you and that señorita Anita are an "item".
JEFF
Angel is a wealth of information, isn’t he?
ZITA
Are you going to marry her?
JEFF
We’ll see.
ZITA
She has two children, you know?
JEFF
They are both wonderful young ladies.
ZITA
Oh, yes, they’re adorable. I’ll bet your children would be adorable, too. Do you want any children of your own?
JEFF
It would be fun trying.
ZITA
[laughs] Oh, there’s another thing I wanted to ask. When I was shopping at Aloe Vera Street, I guess I threw a monkey wrench into the ointment.
Marcy appears with her camcorder and starts taping Jeff and Zita. Lights change to indicate taping.
ZITA (continues)
You know that pot I got on Monday? Could you help me get it back home?
JEFF
I’d be happy to. You definitely don’t want to take it back on the plane with you. Just write out the address you want it delivered to, and I’ll take care of the rest.
Zita boards the bus. Marcy stops taping. Lights change back to normal. Marcy approaches the bus.
JEFF (continues)
[to Marcy] Is there anything I can do to make your week here in Los Angeles more satisfying? I’m afraid that you’re not getting what you came for?
MARCY
Oh, I’m getting what I came for, definitely getting what I came for. But what did you have in mind?
JEFF
I don’t know. What do you like to do? Is there anything you’d like to try that you wouldn’t normally do back home?
MARCY
I don’t do anything, and I don’t think you have anything in California that we don’t have in Ohio.
JEFF
What do you mean?
MARCY
You’ve got oceans and Disneyland and that kind of thing. We don’t have those in Ohio, but anything that can be transported in a suitcase or on a truck has made it to the Midwest. What do you export to Ohio, Mr. Carson?
JEFF
Um -- I try to send home happy travelers, but in your case I don’t seem to be succeeding.
MARCY
Just keep doing what you’re doing, and I’ll get exactly what I want from this trip.
Lights fade out.
Continue to Act II, Scene 4
Copyright © 2003 William Armstrong
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