The stage area is bare except for a ramp or some risers making the upstage area higher than downstage. The 'Star Wars' theme music starts playing. The Narrator steps into position. Sign-holders pick up the signs, tilt them, and walk upstage (then offstage) as the Narrator reads.

On the rebel ship
Enter Princess Leia and R2D-fruity. Leia is putting something into the robot. She speaks furtively.

Leia looks offstage.

Leia shoves the robot toward the wings just as Lard Evader enters from the opposite side of the stage and grabs Leia's arm.

R2D-fruity squeaks and rolls back onto stage. Leia talks aside to R2.

She puts on a big phony smile.

She looks herself up and down.

Evader looks at her backside.

Evader drags Leia offstage.

Inside Kenobi's home
Luke and Kenobi stand at opposite sides of a table. The table has a custard pie and big silver fork on it.

Luke grabs a fistful of pie and stuffs it messily into his mouth (and face).

Kenobi raises a large silver fork with a black handle.

Luke finishes eating his handful of pie and towels himself clean.

Kenobi pulls a can of Redi-wip from his pocket and hands it to Luke.

Kenobi holds up the fork so that the handle is up.

Kenobi looks offstage toward the car, then sizes up the combined weight of Luke and himself.

Inside the cantina
Luke, Kenobi, Han and Chewfasta at a table. Kenobi introduces Han to Luke.

Luke points to Chewfasta.

Inside the Imperial flagship.
Leia is banging a tin cup against the bars of the prison door. She shouts for the prison guards.

Leia makes a little mock banging of her head with the heel of her hand. She realizes that she has a cinnamon roll on her hair. She removes it and starts to eat it.

Han pushes in front of Luke. Shoots pop gun at jail cell. Door falls open. Leia steps in front of bars and asks Han...

Luke steps in and takes Leia's arm like at an old-fashioned dance.

Han slips into the jail cell and removes a pillow from the cot. He stuffs it into his pants/shirt front.

Han shrugs and answers meekly.

Everyone nods and exits.

Somewhere on the flagship.
Evader senses the presence of his old mentor.

Kenobi enters warily with his Red-Eye whip in hand. Evader recognizes him.

Evader raises his Red-Eye whip can and shoves a 3-foot white fluffy stick out from the end of the can.

Kenobi aims his Red-Eye whip at Evader and pushes the button. Instead of a solid whip coming out, a stream of Silly String squirts onto Evader.

Kenobi raises a hand to delay Evader until he has said his little speech.

Kenobi holds his Red-Eye whip in both hands, against his chest, and awaits the crushing blow from Evader. Evader wields his Red-Eye whip up into a round-house swing to cut right through Kenobi's torso. As the whip reaches Kenobi, lighting effects flash and Kenobi pivots back behind the leg (or other screen) just behind and upstage of where he was hit. As Kenobi disappears behind the leg, an accomplice off stage releases one or more large (untied) balloons that sputter and scatter across the stage (hopefully). He then drops a karate gi on the floor where Kenobi was previously standing. Evader picks up the garment, shrugs, and exits.
Somewhere else on the flagship.
Luke and Leia run in with Luke in the lead. He pulls up abruptly near center stage to avoid falling in the chasm that crosses their path. She bumps into him and almost knocks him over the edge.

He takes a rope and grappling hook (imaginary) from his belt. He swings the hook a few times and throws it up at a structure above them. He tests the rope.

Leia is barely able to get her arms around his neck.

They pretend to swing across, but they don't make it all the way. They swing back and forth until they dangle over the chasm.

Luke looks over at the narrator standing at the side of the stage.

Cliff gets a funny look on his face. He reaches up to the back of his neck and removes a clothes hanger from his coat. He holds the hanger up and looks confused to see it.

Blackout. The narrator goes back to addressing the audience.

Ice planet Hoth Fudge Sundae.
Lights come up revealing Luke, Leia, and Han against a white backdrop.

Blackout. Han and Leia exit. Evader enters.

Somewhere in Cloud City.
Luke and Evader have Red-Eye whips extended. They are having a sword fight. They make sound effects with their mouths as they swing (vvvveeeeyooommm) and strike with their whips (kkkkahhh). After a few hits, they cross 'swords' into a close deadlock.
Note: Luke has a phony right hand as his fighting (upstage) hand

Evader's blade cuts off Luke's hand. Luke drops the phony hand and weapon. He holds up his arm to revel a long sleeve pulled over his right hand.

Evader offers to shake hands.

Sign holders hustle in from the wings with 'LARD WARS' signs and walk them upstage as Luke and Evader exit. 'Star Wars' music up and out.
End of play.