Scene Two
Los Angeles Airport.
Curtains open. Scrim rises. Lights go up on full stage. We see a crowd of airport travelers. Music begins for "
Travel Tips".
COMPANY
L.A.X. - Flight connects - Trav’lers cheques - Auto wrecks [drums crashing]
Airline flights - See the sights - Traffic lights - Family fights
Airline overbooking - Rest’rant overcooking
May I take your order? - Gotta tip the porter.
Tips, tips, tips, tips.
Here are a few of our travel tips:
FIRST TRAVELER
Leaving my house all alone makes me nervous,
But I can’t afford a security service.
TRAVEL ADVISOR
When trav’ling, set home stereos loud for the folks remaining.
Police will check your house every day as neighbors call complaining.
COMPANY
Tips, tips, tips, tips.
Lock your doors - Roommate snores - Ocean shores - Pack your drawers
Dramamines - Magazines - Tower that leans - Pouting teens
Signing up for quick tours - Take a zillion pictures
Wrinkles in my great dress - Gotta tip the waitress
Porter uses hand truck to tip waitress to side and wheel her away.
Tips, tips, tips, tips.
Here are a few of our travel tips:
SECOND TRAVELER
Should we be carrying credit card plastic?
Because if it’s stolen, results could be drastic.
A purse snatcher grabs a woman’s purse, but someone collars him and takes him back to husband.
TRAVEL ADVISOR
You catch the thief who took your wife’s purse - came from out of nowhere -
But let him keep the credit cards, ‘cuz the charges will be lower.
COMPANY
Tips, tips, tips, tips.
Wallet lost - Date line crossed - Truck exhaust - What’s the cost?
Tourist guide - Pamphlet lied - Horseback ride - Sore backside
Living from a suitcase - I forgot the toothpaste
Buy your kid a swell toy - Gotta tip the bellboy
Traveler tips his hat to bellboy.
Tips, tips, tips, tips.
Here are a few of our travel tips:
THIRD TRAVELER
Do you have tips about trav’ling with baby?
Could you tell us something about flying, maybe?
TRAVEL ADVISOR
The baby’s ears will painfully pop when the plane is flying.
Be sure to take some earplugs along so you won’t hear him crying.
COMPANY
Tips, tips, tips, tips.
Baby yowls - Stomach growls - Spotted owls - Swipe the towels
Flying fears - Popping ears - Souvenirs - Tired rears
Drivers popping No-Doze - Sorting all the photos
Being a survivor - Gotta tip the driver
Tips, tips, tips, tips.
Here are a few of our travel tips:
FOURTH TRAVELER
Fighting for legroom and headroom on airplanes
Is frequently cited by some among their pains.
TRAVEL ADVISOR
When airline seats in front of you tilt back in tourist section,
Just mention your tuberculosis and cough in that direction.
COMPANY
Tips, tips, tips, tips.
Tourist traps - Folding maps - Broken straps - Frequent naps
Baggage tag - Hit a snag - Get jet lag - Air sick bag
Crowded in the guest room - Looking for a restroom
Honeymoon with your bride - Gotta tip the tour guide
Tips, tips, tips, tips.
Those were a few of our travel tips.
Herb March (a spry 70-year-old man) comes up behind Claire Stebbins (a feisty, fun-loving 70-year-old woman) and embraces her fondly.
HERB
Claire, we’ve got to stop meeting like this. People are beginning to talk.
CLAIRE
Let them talk, Herbie Bear. [kisses Herb] But if you want to stop seeing me, you’ll have to be the one to end it. I just can’t find a better traveling companion than my little Herbie Bear.
HERB
I don’t want to stop. I was thinking more of marrying you.
CLAIRE
And where would we live? Florida or Delaware?
HERB
I’ve got a granddaughter in Charlotte. We could split the difference.
CLAIRE
We can enjoy arguing about this for a whole week. It’ll be just like being married.
Jeff sees their Glama luggage tags and introduces himself.
JEFF
Hi, I’m Jeff Carson. It looks like I’ll be your tour guide on Glama Tours.
Herb shakes Jeff’s hand and introduces him to Claire.
HERB
Herb March. And this is Claire Stebbins.
CLAIRE
Let’s use first names only. Some people are kinda old fashioned - they think you have to be married to travel together.
JEFF
First names it is. Point out all of your luggage, and I’ll see that it gets on the coach.
The three of them exit as the spotlight moves to Don and Susan Richards collecting luggage with their daughter Kelli.
KELLI
Mom, you promised that on this tour you guys aren’t my parents.
SUSAN
We had to use your real name for the airline, and the tour guide needed to know how old you are so he could make arrangements with the nightclub. But we’re all sworn to secrecy, Dear.
Jeff approaches and introduces himself to the Richards'.
JEFF
Hi, I’m Jeff Carson from Glama Tours. Are you Mr. and Mrs. Richards?
DON
Yes, I’m Don. This is my wife, Susan.
JEFF
And you must be Kelli Klee. I am really looking forward to hearing you sing on Wednesday night. I circulated your demo CD to some key people, and they might be there, too. Let’s round up your luggage and head for the hotel.
The parents and daughter exit as the spotlight moves to Marcy and Jeff introduces himself to her.
JEFF (continued)
Hi, I’m Jeff Carson with Glama Tours. You must be Marcy Blackburn. I’m always happy when we can accommodate people who sign up at the last minute. That’s the way I like to travel: spur-of-the-moment.
MARCY
I’m pleased to meet you, Mr. Carson. These are my bags. If you’ll excuse me a moment, I need to make a phone call.
JEFF
Of course, just meet me out at the coach when you’re done.
Jeff takes her bags and exits to bus. The spotlight follows Marcy as she steps forward and a scrim comes down. She stands in front of the scrim talking on her cell phone (to an answering machine).
MARCY
[on cell phone] Hello, Lynn, this is Marcy. I'm calling from LA Airport. It's Saturday. I knew you wouldn't be in the office, but I had to tell someone what I'm doing. Don't tell the boss, but I'm sure that Jeff Carson and Glama Tours are smuggling and dealing drugs. Miller thinks I'm crazy. He wouldn't send anyone, so I'm using my vacation and my own money to bust Glama. I'll keep you posted, but if anything happens to me - if I don't report back - You'll know that I dug too deep. You'll know who to go after. Jeff Carson. Goodbye.
Marcy shuts off her phone and exits to board the Glama bus. Lights out.
Continue to Scene Three
Copyright © 2003 William Armstrong
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