Scene Seven
Olvera Street plaza and shop, Monday midday
All of the women from the tour are lined up to use the restroom. Ruth comes out of the powder room. She addresses Anita.
RUTH
Oh, honey, your powder room is just charming. And I’ve seen more powder rooms than Carter has little liver pills.
ANITA
Thank you very much. I’m glad you like it.
RUTH
Did you decorate it yourself?
ANITA
Well, uh, yes. Carmen and I decorated it. Actually, Jeff is the one who designed it.
RUTH
Jeff? You mean our Jeff? That young man is always watching out for us, isn’t he?
ANITA
Yes, I guess he is.
Claire comes out of the restroom and approaches Ruth.
CLAIRE
Ruth, did you see those darling drapes in the ladies’ room?
RUTH
Oh, yes, we were just talking about it. Excuse me, honey, what was your name?
ANITA
Anita.
RUTH
[to Claire] Yes, well, Anita decorated it. Don’t you love the colors ...and that knickknack shelf? I think I’m going to get in line again.
Ruth looks over some merchandise on her way to the end of the line for the restroom. Claire crosses to a rack of dresses. Herb joins her. She holds up two dresses alternately so Herb can judge them.
CLAIRE
Which do you think looks better - the lavender or the buff?
HERB
I’d like to see you in the buff.
Claire laughs affectionately.
CLAIRE
Is that all you can think about?
HERB
Um, yeah, pretty much.
Zita sticks her head into the shop. She is wearing a large sombrero and holding several bags of souvenirs.
ZITA
Hey, Claire, everybody, they’re about to have a show in the plaza. C’mon outside for a minute.
CLAIRE
Zita, did you see the ladies’ room?
ZITA
Are you kidding? I was the first one in. I love that lotion on the vanity. I bought four bottles in the store. Hurry up. The mariachis look like they’re about to "mariach".
Claire takes the two dresses over to the register and hands them to Anita.
CLAIRE
Would you hold these for me, Anita? I’ll be right back.
ANITA
Of course. Enjoy the show.
Zita (in her large sombrero) holds a partially-eaten ice cream cone. She has several bags of souvenirs, too.
HERB
Zita, it looks like your ice cream cone is dripping.
Zita looks down at the ground below the ice cream cone. As she does, the sombrero touches the ice cream. Zita looks up again with some ice cream stuck to the bottom of the hat’s brim.
ZITA
Whoops! Out of the frying pan and into the spilt milk!
Zita puts some of her souvenirs on the ground. She removes her hat and licks the ice cream from the brim and from her cone alternately. Other tourists gather around the plaza.
Folklorico dancers assemble in the center of the plaza. Mariachis stand at the edge of the plaza. Music begins for "
Fiesta". Musicians and dancers perform for the tourists.
MARIACHIS AND DANCERS
Damas y caballeros, Ladies and gentlemen
Dicemos bienvenidos, We say welcome to our friends.
Compren regalos y otras cosas caras.
Es la voz de las guitarras y la luz en nuestras caras.
Gasten dinero en todas las tiendas
Para cosas estupendas o comer en meriendas.
See our Hispanic pride show its romantic side
And take a manic ride where cultures can collide.
We'll go that extra mile. Wear your fiesta smile.
Party southwestern style. Please be our guest a while.
Compren regalos y otras cosas caras.
Es la voz de las guitarras y la luz en nuestras caras.
Gasten dinero en todas las tiendas
Para cosas estupendas o comer en meriendas.
And best of all, ev’ry day's a festival
Celebrating honored guests with whom we're blest.
Jeff slips into the shop and kisses Anita. Lucia and Honda gather around the couple. Dancers and musicians finish. Tourists applaud.
LUCIA
Mama, what was the first word I ever said?
Anita looks at Honda then back to Lucia.
ANITA
I think it was "ouch".
Tourists filter back into the shop after some tip the performers. Claire buys both outfits she left with Anita. Janet sees Snowball, the cat, sleeping on a pillow near the cash register.
JANET
Oh, this is adorable, and so lifelike. Ruth, look at this sleeping cat. Doesn't it look real? [to Anita] How much is this stuffed animal? Do you have any in 'tabby' or 'tuxedo' cat?
Honda and Lucia run up.
HONDA
Oh, no. That's Snowball! That's a real cat - my cat.
LUCIA
No, he's my cat.
HONDA
He's our cat.
JANET
Are you sure he's alive?
HONDA
Oh, yeah, he used to be kind of wild, but the doctor fixed him. I don’t think he can hear anything. They didn’t fix that. He just likes to sleep here on his throne. That’s what we call this pillow: "his throne".
JANET
That’s a very nice cat you have, young ladies.
HONDA
I call him my pussygato. Jeff helped me write a song about him. Do you want to hear it?
Ev’rybody ought toh have a pussygato of their own.
My kitty’s name is Snowball, and he is only so tall fully grown,
Whenever it’s sunny, he likes, most of all, taking a little nap.
Oh, isn’t it funny having a Snowball melting here in my lap?
Ev’rybody ought toh have a pussygato of their own.
I have a little kitty and he looks real pretty on his throne.
Whenever it’s rainy, he just stays inside cuddling up to me.
He’s thinkin’ that maybe it is God who cried, causing the rain to be.
I love my little kitty. I taught him to play dead.
I think that he's so pretty, resting his little head.
But he’s alive and kicking, he’s just counting sheep.
You see his tail flicking even when he's asleep.
Ev’rybody ought toh have a pussygato of their own.
When kitty’s in a ball, right?, he looks just like an all-white ice cream cone.
Whenever it’s nighttime, he won’t run about. He stays at home instead.
Because he is white, I’m thinking he’d stand out, but he lies in his bed.
So, get a pussygato, and you will have a lot o' - restful fun!
ANITA
Alejandra Morales! Please don’t bother the customers.
RUTH
[to Anita] Oh, please, honey, she’s not bothering us. [to Honda] Is your name Alejandra?
HONDA
Yeah, but only when Mama’s mad at me. The rest of the time I’m Honda.
LUCIA
I’m Lucia.
ANITA
You girls run along now.
LUCIA
Don’t sell Snowball, Mama.
ANITA
Don’t worry, sweetheart, I won’t.
Honda and Lucia exit through an adoring crowd. Zita pushes her way through the shoppers carrying almost more packages than she can hold. She also has souvenirs strapped to her body.
ZITA
I found the perfect gift for my nephew. It’s from a little local brewery. My nephew is just crazy about those microwave beers. It’s called "La Quinta". Do you know what that means?
CLAIRE
I think it’s Spanish for "next to Denny’s".
RUTH
Zita honey, you need help. First I’ll help you get all that stuff back to the coach. Then I’ll help you find a twelve-step program for obsessive souvenir shoppers.
Lights fade out.
Continue to Scene Eight
Copyright © 2003 William Armstrong
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