Scene Ten
Hotel poolside,
Two months later.
A group of people are seated for a wedding. The bride and groom are turned away, facing a minister.
MINISTER
I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.
Wedding ends. The couple kisses. Angel is seated watching the ceremony. He sneezes into his handkerchief. He speaks to a woman seated next to him.
ANGEL
I always sneeze at weddings.
The woman cries with joy. Angel offers her the handkerchief.
ANGEL (continues)
Would you like to use my canker thief?
WOMAN
I don't want your dirty handkerchief.
ANGEL
Yeah, well, the outside is still clean.
The couple turns around; they are Herb and Claire. They move downstage as the wedding guests start to get up.
HERB
Claire, were your kids angry about us coming back to Los Angeles to get married?
CLAIRE
I haven't told them.
HERB
It's been two months since we decided to do this! You still haven't told them?
CLAIRE
Oh, Herbie Bear, they'll find out soon enough. Besides, I want to impress upon them how rarely they come to visit me. I want to see how long it takes for them to notice that I'm married again. And since I didn't have anyone to invite to the wedding, I thought it would be fun to have the ceremony here in Los Angeles on our way to Tahiti.
HERB
It was a cute idea getting married in a double ceremony with Jeff and Anita, too. They've been married for ten minutes now ...and people said it wouldn't last!
Anita and Jeff enter dressed as bride and groom. Lucia is a flower girl. Honda is holding Snowball, the cat.
Music comes up for "
Now and Forever".
JEFF
Starting today let me be your lover,
Loving you ever as I do now.
I pledge my life, forsaking all others,
Now and forever. That is my vow.
Just like this endless band of gold,
You'll always have my hand to hold.
And I will love you from this moment through eternity
And I will love with all of my heart,
Whether we're near or worlds apart.
So I will love you now and forever, evermore.
ANITA
Just like this endless band of gold,
You'll always have my hand to hold.
And I will love you from this moment through eternity
JEFF & ANITA
And I will love with all of my heart,
Whether we're near or worlds apart.
So I will love you now and forever, evermore.
The two married couples talk. Sean and Carmen enter. Each has a paper cup of beer.
SEAN
Well, I'm the best man, and I did the best I could, but I couldn't talk him out of it.
CARMEN
You, too? I couldn't beat any sense into Anita either. Love makes people do crazy things.
SEAN
...like getting married. Ha! "to have and to hold" ...it sounds like constipation to me.
CARMEN
The worst thing is: I caught the bouquet.
SEAN
The only bouquet I want to catch is from this beer.
Sean sniffs and drinks beer from his paper cup and then stomps on the cup.
SEAN (continues)
Mazeltov! Well, as best man, I'm supposed to make a toast, but I left it in the toaster too long. I better go dream up another one.
CARMEN
You're starting to sound like my second husband.
SEAN
How many husbands have you had?
CARMEN
One.
Sean exits. Angel comes up to Anita.
ANGEL
I believe it's kisstomary to cuss the bride.
Angel kisses Anita and congratulates Jeff. Anita turns to Jeff.
ANITA
I can't get over the fact that ever since I've known you, you've been the owner of Glama Tours?
JEFF
Why do you think the tour always stops at your shop?
ANITA
So, why is it called Glama Tours?
JEFF
You don't want to know.
ANITA
You're not going to keep secrets from me again, are you?
JEFF
Okay. It's an acronym. It stands for 'Greater Los Angeles Metropolitan Area'.
ANITA
Couldn't you come up with a better name than that?
JEFF
Murray named it GLAMA long before he sold it to me. But now that you're half owner of the business, I could name it after you.
ANITA
After me?
JEFF
Sure, we could call it "Anita Vacation".
Jeff and Anita kiss. Lights fade out. Music up and out. Curtain. End of show.
Copyright © 2003 William Armstrong
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