Glama, Act II, Scene 9

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A Full Length Musical Comedy by William Armstrong

Scene Nine
Police station Friday night
A police sergeant sits at a desk as Marcy, Ruth, Zita, Sam, Janet, and Dawn gather around. The sergeant addresses Marcy.
SERGEANT
Youíre the complainant? Mrs....
MARCY
Marcia Blackburn. And it should make no difference whether Iím Miss or Mrs.
SERGEANT
Miss Marsha Blackburn.
MARCY
With a "C-I-A".
SERGEANT
Youíre with the CIA?
MARCY
No, my name is spelled with a C-I-A. Itís M-A-R-C-I-A.
Marcy hands Sergeant an ID card. Sergeant looks at it.
SERGEANT
You're from Ohio? ...in law enforcement? Is that right?
Sergeant hands the ID card to his assistant. The assistant exits.
MARCY
Yes, sir, Iím working undercover to expose Jeff Carson.
SERGEANT
But you donít have a warrant for his arrest?
MARCY
No, but he's a drug dealer.
SERGEANT
If heís a drug dealer, you gotta arrest him with the drugs. No drugs, no case.
MARCY
Iíve got all the evidence you need here on videotape.
SERGEANT
Videotapes aren't real popular with the LAPD, Ma'am. But letís see what you got ...see if thereís enough to hold him on.
MARCY
All right. Look at this.
Marcy plays the videotape for Sergeant. Others gather around.
ZITA (voice on tape)
You know that pot I got on Monday? Could you help me get it back home?
JEFF (voice on tape)
Iíd be happy to. You definitely donít want to take it back on the plane with you. Just write out the address you want it delivered to, and Iíll take care of the rest.
ZITA
You talk about Jeff as if he's some kind of homeopathic killer. That's ridiculous.
Sergeant looks at Zita as music comes up for "I Just Swear".
ZITA (continued)
I bought a terra cotta clay pot.
I donít know what youíre trying to say.
I assure you, there isnít any plot,
So wipe those delusions away.
Marcy plays more videotape.
RUTH (voice on tape)
...just shooting up my arm. Is there going to be any crack today?
JEFF (voice on tape)
It's all taken care of, Ruth. You should be feeling fine from now on. Glama Tours never wants you to have a bad trip.
Sergeant looks at Ruth as music continues for "I Just Swear".
RUTH
She claims the tour guide gave me some crack:
Itís a statement she ought to retract,
íCuz my armrest and her head are, in fact,
The only two things that are cracked.
Marcy plays more videotape.
JEFF (voice on tape)
Obviously, Iíll need the ring to make this work. Thereís a dealer I can trust downtown. He knows Iím coming, so the deal shouldnít take long.
Marcy stops the tape and looks at Sergeant expectantly.
SERGEANT
This is America, Ma'am. People can talk about anything they want. For all I know this guy was rehearsing a scene from a play. We've got a lot of actors in this town, ya know. Show me something more than just talk.
Marcy shows tape of Jeff giving a baggie of white powder to Janet.
MARCY
Look. Heís giving this woman a bag of cocaine.
JEFF (voice on tape)
I got what you asked for. I can get you some more if you need it.
JANET (voice on tape)
Oh, thank you, Jeff. How much do I owe you?
Sergeant looks at Janet as music continues for "I Just Swear".
JANET
For under-things I wanted to cleanse
In that baggie was clothes-washing soap.
You should look right behind the camíra lens
If you want to find any dope.
MARCY
You canít believe them. Theyíre all on drugs.
SERGEANT
[to the tour members] Is this true? Do you use drugs?
The tourists all nod their heads and pull out little containers of prescription drugs. They show the drugs to the officer and say the names in a rapid-fire jumble.
DAWN
Nitroglycerin
JANET
Celebrex
ZITA
Clarinet
SAM
Viagra
Everyone looks at Sam. Sam and Janet grin. Everyone turns back.
RUTH
Does Preparation H count?
SERGEANT
And all of these were prescribed by your doctors?
The tourists all nod their heads.
ZITA
Itís socialized medicine. I blame the HBOís.
The assistant enters.
SERGEANT
[to assistant] Why is that nobody ever exercises their right to remain silent? Did you check out this Carson guy?
ASSISTANT
Yeah, heís clean. No weapons, no drugs, no record.
MARCY
Take a look at this one. Thereís no way to argue this one.
Marcy plays the videotape for Sergeant. Others gather around.
SAM (voice on tape)
Its entire purpose was to pervert innocent high school girls into floozies. The heroine wasnít strong enough. It didnít go the way I wanted.
JEFF (voice on tape)
Like you said, "Life never goes the way we plan."
SAM (voice on tape)
No, Iíll bet you never figured youíd make your fortune in drugs, the Internet, and Glama Tours.
Sergeant looks at Sam as music continues for "I Just Swear".
SAM
The "drugs" are pharmaceutical stocks.
I canít bear all this bull, as it were.
You can listen when E.F. Hutton talks,
But pay no attention to her.
And when I used the 'heroine" word,
Itís a leading lady I meant.
To believe heís a dealer is absurd,
And questioning me, I resent.
SAM, JANET, RUTH and ZITA
I don't care what this woman thinks.
I just swear that her story stinks.
MARCY
Aha! What about the girl? "...to pervert innocent high school girls." What about her?
The assistant enters and hands a report to Sergeant.
SERGEANT
As for the girl: she was carrying two ID cards. One is a driver's license that says her name is Kelli Richards and that she's 16 years old. The other is a Nebraska Sheepherders' Association card that says she's Kelli Klee, age 21. It's a tough call, but I'm leaning toward believing the DMV.
ASSISTANT
Her parents, Donald and Susan Richards, are asking us to release her into their custody.
Sergeant nods his approval.
SERGEANT
[to assistant] What did we find out about Miss Blackburn?
ASSISTANT
We confirmed Marcia Blackburn's credentials. Everything checks out. We even called her boss at home. He was kind of groggy and mad as hell. He said she's an idiot and that he'd really appreciate it if we'd lock her up for a while.
SERGEANT
[to Marcy] Do you have a ticket to fly back home?
MARCY
Yes, I have a flight booked for tomorrow morning, but...
SERGEANT
Be on that plane! I donít want to hear any more about citizenís arrests and little-old-lady drug dealers.
RUTH
Tsk! "Little old ladies." Well, I never!
SERGEANT
Get out of here, all of you. [to assistant] And release Jeffery Carson, too, with Miss Blackburnís apology.
The assistant hands Marcy her ID card. People disperse as lights fade out.


Continue to Act II, Scene 10

Copyright © 2003 William Armstrong



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